#im genuinely mortified
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not me thinking i'd finally started to find a good work/life balance where i could actually like. write and enjoy working on things that are fun and fulfilling while also keeping my head above water at work (aside from, y'know, minor details like the semi-frequent repetitive strain injuries and eye strain and also the fact my house is an absolute disaster 70% of the time) and then being violently humbled in my quarterly review by getting the worst quality score i've ever had in my 3 years working for the company...
#im genuinely mortified#like i know i bitch about my job a lot#but im genuinely pretty good at it#my last 3-4 quality scores have been really good. like. top end of the office average#and suddenly im 5 errors away from being given an official warning... so that's not great#to give u some idea. the lower the number the better the score. my last quality score was a 4. today i got a 25.#i have no idea how this happened??#part of me is like... has there been a mistake. cos idk who edited that paper but surely it wasn't me. did i read it with my eyes shut?#my scores usually do take a dip in q4 cos i don't handle this time of year very well. but not THAT much of a dip jesus christ#my only saving grace is that if someone does that badly they do a few extra checks to see if it's a one-off#and on the next one they pulled i got a 6. which does make me look somewhat less bad#i ended up averaging out at a 14. so like. im still embarrassed but i reckon that's forgiveable#still. that's gonna be a fun Q4 meeting next week
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this is how i see their first omikuji reading of the year, each year
kazami's thick lifeline and great blessings add to furuya's great misfortune and together they just about make one normal fortune and scramble through the year. neither of them know about the other's fortune readings
hang in there, kazami....dont let furuya's death magnet get to you....
#dcmk#detective conan#meitantei conan#furuya rei#kazami yuuya#furukaza#my doodles#one day long after they start dating kazami tells furuya that ah hes been having 'great blessing' readings for years#but nothing special ever really happened? so it's not really accurate#and furuya is genuinely mortified and goes '.......im sorry'#its him. it's his fault
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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whats your take on marcille and pattadols post canon friendship? they seem to hang out occasionally in a couple of post canon shorts and i was wondering if your beautiful mind has anything more to add? youre amazing 💖
☺️ aha thank you so much!!! Pattadol and Marcille are sooo interesting to me because like. I think Pattadol is who Marcille would have become if her parents had both been long-lived, and she never had a reason to question elven authority. The hardworking attitude, insistence on sticking to a very rigid set of principles, a little bit of vanity in wanting to be recognized for her efforts... the slightly ridiculous uptightness and neurotic attitude at times, though at heart they're both kind people who want the best for everyone in their own ways.
In the post-canon, I'm assuming that Pattadol has her own ambassador's quarters in either the castle or the inner city, and the two of them grab tea at the castle drawing room/garden/whatever. I think they talk shop, soundboard ideas off each other, and gossip/complain a little about incompetent colleagues/problems... I think they're each others' dream work friends, honestly. Polite, competent, friendly but never getting overly personal, fun and pleasant to talk to. The fact that Pattadol's 82 and a fairly young woman by elven standards also plays into it, I think -- Marcille hasn't had another elf friend along the same maturity range and professional level of experience, so this is probably nice for her!
What I would like to see is them eventually developing a closer relationship. I think a lot about the way Pattadol reassured Marcille that, because of her accomplishments, she'd have a pretty comfortable sentence as a Canary. About the way, while there was tension because of what was happening at the time, they were both immediately very polite to each other upon meeting and kind of?? got along/clicked immediately in some ways?? It feels like they have the same kind of standards for themselves and others (as well as general inexperience and slight insecurity about their own competency, which probably makes them feel at more or less an equal level with each other).
And I think that'd be good for both of them -- having someone else that they admire, who also admires them in return and recognizes their talents and hard work. There's a very unique kind of rapport you build with someone that you hold as an intellectual peer and can trust to give you feedback that's actually reliable and up to par. While they might both be too professional to really become super close friends who can always be open with each other, there's a very real and deep kind of companionship that forms from this kind of trust, and I hope that's the direction they're heading in.
It's also extra delicious if you add in the tension of Pattadol inherently being a foreign agent from a country that isn't necessarily friendly, but they end up with that strange trust anyway... not to mention the thought that she might find herself actually admiring how Melini is growing and trying to defend it when reporting back to the queen.
#happy for them!!#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi#marcille donato#pattadol#uptight blonde women lovers unite#phd buddies who go for coffee sometimes#it's so funny that the first time i saw pattadol in daydream hour i was like?? that's not marcille is it?? face is different???#it's so underrated how they're each others' foils and mirrors in a ton of admittedly low-stakes but interesting ways...#these keep getting so long im so sorry#asks#i don't write about pattadol much in a little creature because i think they'd both rather die than have pattadol get roped into the drama#imagine her nervously watching marcille turn more and more into a wreck and just going...erm...im very sorry this is happening to you...#and she's genuine about it but it's so fucking awkward bc. both equally mortified by the extent of the farcille dyke drama#forgot to post this last night whoops#marcilleposting
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Ah fuck ive done it again.
#self recognition through the oc#basically xenaut is actually a wildly creative person#but after All That he is so fucking repressed he simply does not create ever#the mortifying ordeal of being genuine and vulnerable and all that#the man was an actor and like his life went to utter shit and he Lost the desire to create but its still there buried#and yes part of his healing journey is finding that creativity again#but for himself. like he is no longer a performer he never will be.#but finding that closed off part of himself#and using it to process his emotions is like. the final act in his recovery.#i know ive said before he Gets Better but idk if ive ever publicly said this. ironically.#oc:xenaut#lineko.txt#didnt mean to put the entire thing in tags but im not retyping it now
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it may come as a surprise to you all but im thinking about kingdom rn
#what is on my mind. well im specifically thinking about jahan just did the new bss song dance and it's reminding me#how jahan and arthur did the maestro dance with dino and afterwards jahan talked about how mortifying it was to ask dino to do it#then like two weeks later the maestro mushow behind was released and the behind of tkds challenge was featured in it. and#some of the svt members were talking about how happy it made them. outside of tkds range#and when someone pointed out to jahan how they made it into the behind he lost his shit#and i am also thinking about my dann jahan unit pola. and sometimes i don't realize how much detail is in a polaroid#and how lucky i am to have a signed pola of my bias line in one of my top fave stage fits. like how did the universe align like#that for me. that's crazy#and well im thinking about how much i like them. i think when i first got into kpop i didn't understand how people decided who was an ult#or a semi ult. or whatever. and the time just moved so fast and my feelings fluctuate so much how do you know but now i just knowwwwww#when i look at them and when their songs come on shuffle and when i gif them and when i look at my album shelf and i see the hok albums#line up and my photocards and how they're the biggest portion of my binder and how i felt seeing them in concert both times#and im also thinking of the concert im thinking about the shitty ada route for the venue. how the ramp was a solid 45° angle and i managed#to go up but i was so nervous to go down cuz i certainly couldn't walk my rollator down and i didn't wanna fall#and i had to be nearly carried down cuz i was so unstable and it was so embarassing and then i heard dann singing and it was just a really#grounding moment. his voice is so comforting to listen to on my phone and it was so invigorating to hear on stage but to hear it#softly up close. because he always sings back stage and the ada route was backstage and they were behind me to go back to#the green room and I didn't know and. it was such a surprise but it was so nice. so nice#so calming. and how i was so embarassed my rollator was taking up space when i was talking to ivan and when i readjusted it it got#stuck on a crack in the floor because of the angle and i apologized but he immediately told me it was okay and helped me get it unstuck cuz#i was shaky on nerves and adrenaline. and they're just sooooo. wow#ughhhhhh and hwons smile when i did polas with him first tour. and how he held everyone's hands despite the staff saying not#to touch the artist he always grabbed your hands first if you let him and i did cuz i didn't know what to do and he was just so excited#to be there and getting to talk to him while we waited for the pola to print. dude he's so tall like i knew he was tall going in but nothing#prepares you for How damn tall he is till you're right there next to him and god#they r the best. genuinely. :•( i love them so bad#speaking.txt
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hung out w people and my joking around came across as genuine. haha no, pull the lever. getting fried will be less mortifying
#please IM SORRY IM SORRY#WWWWAAGH#I KNOW IRL IM VERY DEADPAN AND ALSO ND BUT I AM MORTIFIED#me: ‘haha Kant???? LOSER!!! HE SUCKS!!!’#my friend later: ‘you know he’s a philosophy major and knows a lot more abt it than u right’ (very nicely)#me who thought we were obviously goofing around: ??? yes?????? did I not . did I seem genuine#my fatal flaw is that I get way too commited to the bit and people think I’m an idiot/wrong#chia’s life#IM SORRY IM NOT GOOD AT SOME SOCIAL CUES
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i can just feel myself starting to give less of a fuck as i reach 25 and you know what thank god
#you would not have caught me posting about this hyperfixation even two years ago i wouldve been too mortified#and i may have STARTED mortified but got over it and you know what! im having a blast#and it's not just w this it's w everything i think i am FINALLY starting in on my era of#i genuinely do not care about what other people think beyond making sure i'm being kind#if they find me annoying or weird thats none of my business
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i just realized before going to bed just now that i accidentally seemed to make up the most absurd insane lie on my resume earlier today when i thought fuck it i’ll just put on everything ive ever done here. in high school my class did this thing where we organized a political debate between real politicians and we also organized the school EU election and so they called us like junior ambassadors for the EU and we got tshirts and a diploma and everything. but i misremembered it as being a UN thing and i also was distracted by my friend talking to me at the same time so i entirely forgot the title and just wrote what amounted to ”2019 - UN ambassador”, which i would imagine would make me overqualified for the cashier and cleaning jobs i then applied to 😭
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My power cut off for about a minute at exactly 3am I think ghosts are responsible for this
#dont mind me im just up ruminating really bad#realizing ive lived with my partners parents for almost a decade somehow#well 7 or 8 years..#doubting im going to get the job i desperately want#what a fucking failure#genuinely im so fucking mortified who lives with their partners parents for this long
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okay so i heard about a field school a while back that I really want to go to but it needs letters of recommendation and thats always like the biggest hurdle for me but i just heard back from the one professor i wanted to hear from the most and got an okay on them writing a letter which has very suddenly made the possibility of going to a field school in Ireland much more real thats fucking insane
#like okay i was going to genuinely put effort forward for it but like i wasnt sure id be able to get the letters#its sort of like idk i dont know how much my professors remember me or liked me so its like it feels like i wont hear back ever#but then theyre like “yeah i remember you i'll happily write you a letter” and left sitting here like huh wow i might cry a little#the mortifying ordeal of being seen known and remembered#i wonder how much of him agreeing is also just from delight of a past student wanting to pursue archaeology#man im already going to a concert for my favorite band today i will be shocked if i make it through the day with crying because wow#im a little worried something is going to go wrong today but im not going to entertain that thought any further
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when uve laid in bed waiting to fall asleep so long u realize ur twenty minutes into an imaginary diatribe to apologize to an old coworker thru ur steam friends list that u haven't spoken to in 8 years over a single vaguely faux paus interaction you had that youve never forgotten
#he picked me and my bestie up to hang out and drive around for a couple hours#but i was in such a bad way back then that i didnt make nearly enough of an emotional bid for engagement as i should have#considering how out of his way he went to drive us around and hang out#i lose sleep about it every couple months like i feel So Bad i should have done more to make him feel like i was enjoying his presence#and that we werent just using him to get a ride around (we werent!!!! i genuinely did want to hang out bc he was sweet)#we never hung out again and our seasonal job ended like 2 weeks later and im still mortified like#i wanna message him on steam like hey u probably dont remember me but im so sorry and u deserved sm better and i hope ur lifes good
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JUST SAW AN OLD MUTUAL ON DISCORD THAT J THIUGHT IT BLOCKED AND IT MADE ME THINK OF THE TIMES THEY CALLED ME A RACIAL SLUR AND I WAS OK WITH JT FOR SOME REASON. LIKE WHY DID I DO THAT 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
#deadass just “what’s up [c-slur]”#IM ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED BC I GENUINELY FORGOT UNTIL I WENT TO GO CLEAN UP MY FRIENDS PAGE AGAIN#NEVER LETTING WHITE PEOPLE CALL ME RACIAL SLURS AGAIN#TRUST ME ON IT‼️‼️‼️‼️#I WAS 15 AND GOING THRU KT PLEASE FORGIVE ME#moo.txt
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I packed my mother lunch this morning, only two carne asada quesadillas bc she never eats her whole lunch
Not only did she come back with one of them, she PUT THEM IN THE MICROWAVE WITH THE STYROFOAM PLATES AND TIN FOIL STILL ON
#AMÁ WHTA THE EVERLIVING FUCK YOU COULDVE DIED WHAAAAT#personal#completely and genuinely stumped. what#she's never in my life made this kind of mistake shes the type of person to mentally go#thru a whole safety manual before moving a finger lol#man i just hope this doesn't repeat#she was lucky nothing happened!! the quesadillas finished their time and not a spark came out#she was talking abt it LAUGHING n im MORTIFIED
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Absolutely nothing else like seeing someone else actually agree and validate your feelings about a popular book/character 🙏🙏🙏🙏😭😭😭😭
#genuinely felt like i was maybe mental and had read something completely different from everyone else#this is about the m*llion kisses in your lifetime book#before anyone screams. i read it without knowing anything about it and because it was in the library. which. mortified.#anyways dhsbdjsgfjd#ignoring all the s*xual *ssault :) and bullying :) and general shitness. the book was just fucking borimg as hell#the most bland characters and storyline ive ever encountered#but its so popular!! not to mention it has a whole fucking series for each of the dudes DOUBLY boring and underwheing brothers. its sickeni#but yeah i watched a vid where someone basically just said that the dude was weird and boring too and it made my heart sing like Thank You#le text post#second book that i wasnt going to mentiom because i think this one is definitely more popular and generally accepted#like it isnt just the romance book community if you get me#but while im here i might as fucking well#anyways. uprooted. was so looking forward to it. again not knowing anything going in#and it was decent but the romance?? was so unnecessary and honestly sort of ruined the book for me? also the plot of the book felt#So stretched out and then in the LAST chapter you get all this info dumped like what the hell#it just had so much potential#anyways yet again i watched a vid and the person basically said the same thing and again i was like. Thank You#thanks for coming to my TED talk
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You are exactly the opposite of deranged for this. Possibly the most hinged one can be. Akin to shivering and shaking over admitting to having a hankering for plain white bread. The crux of this self-crucifixion is a 1 millisecond featured side character whose entire purpose is being an unreachable standard of conventional attractiveness you poor craven beast. Say it with your whole chest Ghost. You want to do /what/ precisely with this set of lines.
… i’ve stared at this for 5 minutes.
anon ur words speak miles to me but alas… i am Not saying what i want to do to Atsushi… perhaps we can open that book another time
#ghost's asks#hankering for plain white bread… DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THAT </3#im a wuss i can’t say it… i would be mortified come morning if i were to#BUT I GENUINELY HAD TO REREAD THIS ASK FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES I WAS IN AWE#this is going in the ask box hall of fame along with glue anon <3
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